Finals Week, Day One

So it's Monday of Finals Week. Luckily, I had no tests today, but my first one is at 8 AM tomorrow. Ew. It's two hours long and I have to write a 6-10 page essay on "HISTORY" more specifically on how religion drove history. Fun.
I'm making myself feel better by telling myself that
a) I can't possibly do any worse in the class than a B although I'd prefer an A
b) Once it's over, it's effin over :D

On a different note: I had a great weekend. :) I want to put up Christmas lights with LoverBoy every year for the rest of my life.

It Almost Makes Sense

I've been really lonely these last few days. I'm living with a girl who, a year and a half ago, was my sister and is now nothing but a thorn in my side; I'm stressed out about my final exams; LoverBoy refuses to keep up a conversation--I realize that he's not doing it on purpose but come on, don't say "Call me if you need me" if you aren't going to a) answer your phone when it rings, b)turn it up so you can hear it ring, or c)have it on you in the first place because you sure have it in your hands every time we do anything together-seriously just -and I can't sleep.
Maybe that explains why I'm so ok with putting bits and pieces of my life on the internet. Especially since no one is really reading it much anyway. If I'm not talking to anyone, but I'm obviously talking (or rather, writing) does that mean I have one of the signs of insanity? I suppose I'd have to be answering myself for that to happen though.
...I seriously just answered my own question didn't I? Fabulous. Oh, look. I did it again.
I hate being lonely. I especially hate it because when I'm super lonely and no one is answering their phone, I turn right to this thing, knowing I have nothing important to say. I almost feel bad, like I'm seriously wasting the time of that one loyal reader I have. My silent follower. Poor thing. I'm driving you crazy aren't I? You probably just wish I would shut up and post my recipes when I promise to. I don't blame you. I wish I could do things on time too.
I think I'm going to listen to an audiobook. Yes, I listen to audiobooks. I read too much and strain my eyes all the time so I have to resort to listening, which is actually good for you, mentally. Maybe Wuthering Heights? What am I talking about, of course it's going to be Wuthering Heights.

Thanksgiving Break

So bad news:
My biological mother showed up for thanksgiving.
She brought her douche bag husband.
My grampa cried.
My back hurts.
The Sister is acting seriously b-i-t-c-h-y again. I can't say it because I decided to take the next several weeks to tone my vocabulary.

GOOD NEWS :)
My biological mother showed up for thanksgiving.
LoverBoy and I put up our first Christmas tree.
He bought Dante a rain coat! HAHAHA
I finally have some food and room in the fridge to put it.
I have pictures!!!
I can't post them right this second though...

Thanksgiving was good. The food was good. The company was (mostly) good. The food was good. I got to see everybody and sleep til 9. The food was really good. And I made some of it. I'll be putting up another recipe later: Sweet potato biscuits. Sound funny. Taste YUMMY.

The Sister has decided that when she moves out, she's taking the fridge. Well I don't care, but you better believe you're walking your tail to housing and checking with them before you do it because I'm not paying for the darn thing just because you took it without them knowing. I really don't like her. And of course, when we got home, she was playing nice with everyone. Then as soon as I get up here this morning, she's being a jerk. I mean she's being something else but like I said, I'm toning my vocabulary. I just really want her to go ahead and get her crap and move out. And if I have to lose the micro-fridge to get rid of her then so be it. All I can say is, I better not have to move out because of her or I will throw down. I mean I'm not the one who broke the agreement, she is. She just happens to be able to pay for a private room. Just because I don't have that kind of money does not mean that I should get booted out of the building with no where to go and even less money than I started out with. This, this right here, is part of the reason I despise her so much.

I'm trying not to be bitter, but every time I think about it, it just leaks out. It sucks. I don't want to be angry and yet I can't seem to keep from it. I just want her to go.

Ok, coming later today, pictures of Dante and a yummy Christmas-time biscuit recipe. :D

On My Mind

One: I swear, I will write down some bad puns so I can start making not-funny titles for my posts again :)
Two: weddings. Seriously on my mind. I thought LoverBoy was going to pop the question that one weekend, remember? Well, as we know, that was a no-go. I was so disappointed but I thought maybe it would be a Christmasy thing. Maybe. And then his dad asked for his Christmas present: a pair of wedding bands for himself and his wife. They never actually got married. And I think it is SO SWEET and I'm really impressed that he would ask for something like that and I want it to work out, I'm even willing to throw in a little myself since they're going to eventually be my parents-in-love. But Man-O-Mine has a very limited budget AND needs new tires because his just started sucking way too much to ignore much longer. So that's about five hundred right there, then the wedding bands for his parents, then a normal twenty dollar gift for his siblings, his few friends and me.
Know what that means?
No ring for me.
Does that SUCK? yes. Is there anything I can do about it? no. So, as excited and subsequently disappointed as I was the first time, this is worse because I know it's not going to happen anytime soon. And by anytime soon, I mean in the next six months or so. And it's been four years. I'm not content with "dating" anymore. That's enough. But it's not something I can change without just decided that it's marriage or nothing. And I can't do that either. So I'm stuck here. I want him to want to marry me. And I don't want him to do anything he's not ready for and then resent me later. But I also don't want to try to be fitting into a wedding gown when I'm forty.  I know we're young. But I want to enjoy our youth together, not waste it. At this rate, by the time we get married, we'll either have to rush to have kids or just not have any. I want us to have a few years to ourselves at least. Not years where we don't even live together. We aren't children. We've thought it out. We have a plan. He just isn't setting it in motion and I'm getting tired of waiting. I want him to be excited about spending the rest of his life with me. He won't even ask! I'm not bashing him, really I'm not. But dang it.
Anyhoo, I've been looking through wedding magazines anyway. If only I could afford this stuff, like a chocolate freaking fountain! You can just hold the strawberries under it and they get covered. It's the best invention I've ever seen! We always planned to do a fall wedding, and I love the idea because the weather is wonderful and everything but.... the colors... I don't love brown and orange for a wedding celebration. I was thinking something a bit more....colorful....

I keep forgetting which blog I wrote on

But on the up side, the other two are doing well. I'm doing ok too. Found out the sister is moving out next term. Which is fine, but she didn't tell me and wasn't going to and if I can't find a new roomie, looks like I might have to move out AND pay up two hundred bucks for breaking my housing agreement by moving out. AND when I forfeit housing, I also forfeit half of my scholarship money, which means I may have to drop some of my classes. Great. It was a bitch thing to do. It was. And I cussed. her. out.
But I'm not mad. I got tired of being mad and it wasn't like it would fix anything anyway. And I got tired of worrying about it because that didn't help either. So now I'm just riding and it will work out or it wont and if it doesn't, something else will.
Anyhoo, yah. I've been thinking about youtube videos, tattoos and school (a little, on the side lol). And money. I been thinking about that alot because I just don't have any. I need money for next semester, for an apartment in June (maybe.....), for Christmas presents, for groceries and to save up. Why is it that I need so much money and yet I obviously cannot possibly acquire it? I have a minimum wage job that I can't work more than twenty hours a week in, but really I hardly get more than 11. I LOVE MY JOB. I just wish it paid better. I'm thinking about getting a second but it's really hard to photograph randomly occurring sports and have a normal shift at a diner...
It will be ok, it will be ok, it will be ok....
It will. Don't make that face at me.
I need a canvas. A big one. And paint. Lots and lots of paint. That would make it all better for a while at least :)
BY THE WAY:
AWESOME recipe coming soon. Just gotta get LoverBoy to give me the camera with my pictures on it. But you guys, I stuffed strawberries with cheesecake and dipped it in melted chocolate! O.O Yah.
And an update on my dad, it's going well :) Thanks!

2 Posts 1 Day

I watched the Black Swan movie. Creeeeeeepy. *shudder* I mean I dont even know how much of the movie was actually happening and how much was just her being crazy. But let me tell you, that girl is crazy. CA-RAY-ZEE.
Been talking to JC almost all day. Im surprised he isn't sick of me yet. I think he's a little lonelier than he lets on though. Honestly, we don't even talk about anything. This is the usual conversation:
JC: Slacker
Me: I know.
JC: No you don't.
Me: But you do?
Yep.
Nope.
Always.
Never.
Never Land.
Nah.
Why?
Why not?
Too far away.
Nah. I'm tired.
No your not.
Yes I am. I'm going to bed soon.
No.
Well I'm not going right this minute.
Then go left.
smh.
It's pointless but it keeps both of us busy when we're dying of boredom and we both have company, albeit, pointless company. But we make good distractions for the other when the day just sucks.
In other news, LoverBoy has got something up his sleeve today...hmmmmmm. He's been so sweet to me lately. I mean I still can't get the boy to rub my back, no matter WHAT I do. But he's been being really thoughtful. Like he remembered I said something about wanting a night stand. I really did want one, but I'm sure I only said it once, like a passing thought. But he got me one. And my mom's birthday is coming up and since I didn't have time to finish painting her gift (a gardening station I fixed up from a work bench; I'll try to remember to get pictures), he painted most of it for me. He made it look good too. I'm impressed. But more than that, it's just so sweet. :) I'll have to do something for him this weekend. I don't know what. He's not hard to please, he's just hard to really please. Like he's happy with pretty much anything, but I want him to be happy because he's happy not because he's ok with something. He does that most of the time.

Oh the Controversy

I tried to post this the other day but Blogger was like "nuh-uh" and wagged its finger at me.
So basically, I burnt my thumb on a 410 degree flat iron and it hurt but most of my thumb print has returned :)

Now for the stupidity. The Sister and SuperEgo (who I've decided to rename Le Douche) "officially announced" their "engagement" on facebook.
Numero Uno, you've been engaged since June. Kind of interesting how you waited til right after your best friend gets engaged and right before your sister's (me) four year anniversary to tell everybody, huh? Not getting all the attention for once?
Darn. Well don't worry, you and Douche will have a great marriage for like 4 whole months!
Secondly, did you not feel the need to inform certain individuals before you told the whole world? I don't know, like OUR MOTHER, who I'm sure would have been very interested to know that you were getting married before all your facebook friends. Or, maybe your sister? Although you didn't have to tell me, I found out but it would have been nice to be among those that you consider important.
Oh wait, I forgot, nobody is important but you and Douche. Right. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

Anyhoo, so I have a not so sneaking suspicion that I'll be getting my own ring quite soon. :D
And it's about dang time too! I mean excuse me, but you (The Sister) and Elso (friend) can get married and I been with LoverBoy since before you all even knew each other? AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF:
My sister wants to graduate with me and Douche and do you know why? So she can get married right before I do. That's her motivation for graduating college. Wow. Like you have nothing better to do with your life than spitefully try to sabotage my wedding. Really? Well you go right ahead. You're the one getting stuck with a complete jackass.

Anyway, I'm going to stop obsessively ranting about them and focus on how happy I am that this is going to happen! :) God, I'm so excited. I'm so freaking happy. You all will be informed quite shortly after it happens (I'm soooooo counting on this weekend)! I just can't curb my enthusiasm. *SCREAM* ah.

The apartment is a maybe (a probably maybe); the engagement is also (end even better) a probably maybe, I found dollar TV dinners that are fabulous (Alfredo, tortellini, pizza rolls, chicken flatbreads), I'm just happy. :)

Want to see the ring I want?

This is THE RING people.
But even if I don't get this one, it's ok,
"cuz it ain't about the bling on the ring,"
it's about us :)

Have a great day guys :)

Yogurt Parfait

So, to go with our spring like entree, I also made a fresh desert: yogurt parfaits. And they were cheap. Only used three ingredients! So here's what I put in:
Vanilla Yogurt
Cereal with your favorite dried fruit (mine had blueberries AND strawberries; SCORE!)
Chocolate Chips

INSERT PICTURE I FORGOT TO TAKE OF THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS HERE

So here's how I did it:

Get a tall container and put a layer of yogurt in the bottom. Add a thick layer of cereal followed by another layer of yogurt and then a thin layer of chocolate chips. Your yogurt layers can be as thin or thick as you like, but I recommend your cereal layers be pretty thick so you get that yummy granola crunch, otherwise, your cornflakes will be mushy. Continue to layer until you get to the top or run out of food. Seal it and put in the freezer for about an hour.

Be sure to rinse out the container and don't dry it. That way the top will get frozen on to the container and you have to interrupt your boyfriend in the middle of his TV show to get him to open it. Twice.

 Scoop it out and enjoy immediately so its cold and your cereal doesn't get mushy as the yogurt thaws! :)

And you can't see my chocolate chips because we had to use white ones (but they were just as good as the milk chocolate ones).

Shrimp Pasta

So LoverBoy gave me some grocery money to buy stuff to cook whatever I like so I decided to make some shrimp pasta. It was nice and fresh and yummy :) So here's what I did.

You will need:

shrimp (or other seafood)

garlic powder/salt

butter

mint

mushrooms

cream cheese

tomatoes

noodles

First, you want to decapitate/de-vein/de-leg and (thaw and) wash your shrimp. 

Mine had to defrost in some water as well; this also keeps them nice and juicy while I'm prepping my skillet.

 To cook your shrimp, you want to set a skillet on medium-high heat and melt about a quarter of a stick of butter in it and add a little garlic powder; for those of you who must measure, I would guestimate about a half a tablespoon.

I've got on black crackle nail polish over green HD by the way ;)

 Now, because shrimp kind of create their own juice to simmer in, you don't really have to worry about them burning. You can move on to your next task: preparing the sauce.

You're going to want to "dice" about five or six mushrooms (yum) annnnnnddddd

This is what happens when you don't own a cutting-board and don't trust your counter-tops: you use the egg carton box.

 .....a few leaves of mint to give it that yummy fresh smell and flavor. Don't over-due it though. Three leaves should be enough.

The mint is on the right (the rosemary on the left was for another project which you'll hear about in a few posts. I got these herbs straight from the yard. Yum.

 At this point, you can start boiling your noodles (don't forget the cooking oil or they will stick to each other!). While that's happening, get that stick of butter back out and use about half of whats left from earlier. Put it in a boiler on medium-high heat and when its melted through about a teaspoon or so of garlic powder in. Then, add a half a box of cream cheese and break it up as it melts. Do not stop stirring for more than a few seconds at a time or it will burn. It makes quite a mess. Slowly add (while stirring) about a cup and a half of milk (adding more the thinner you want the sauce to be). When you add your mushrooms and your chopped mint, it should look smooth and creamy, about like this:

At this point, your noodles are probably done, if not, turn down the heat on the sauce and continue to stir occasionally. When your noodles are done, strain and put in a big bowl, add a tad more cooking oil to ensure there is no clumping. Clumpy noodles are gross :P. Add your shrimp.

Now the skillet you cooked your shrimp in, keep that just like it is and throw in some tomatoes, the kind that are kind of cut in triangular shapes (whatever they call that). Let 'em sizzle for a bit. Stir them around every now and then.

Now, when your tomatoes have that nice "grilled tomatoes from Olive Garden" smell, toss them in with the noodles. Mix it all up, put it in the bowls and go stir your sauce yet again. Ladle the yummy sauce onto the pasta (smell it?!) and enjoy!

Of course, if my presentation were better, it wouldn't be in a Tupperware but whatever. :)

It's Raining Here

It's raining here
In this tiny town
It's raining here
It's pouring down
It's raining here
I should have bought rain boots
The End :)

This, my dear friends, is why I am not a poet.
I hustled my little bottom out to the parking lot to roll up my windows, then I raced back inside. Dripping wet. Now I'm sitting in my room , cold, eating Top Ramen and looking out my window at Mr. Sun who has decided to show up now.

I did my first two posts on The God Behind the Mask which is the blog I started that I put a link up about last night. You should check it out :) I love people who like to talk about ideas!!!

I'm having a good day. It's Thursday, tomorrow's Friday. It's nice. I have to work at 2 to 4 then I'm free today and I'm going to a debate tonight that I have looking forward to since this time last year :) Plus, LoverBoy txted me and told me that we have money to spend on groceries! COOK.ING. YAY! :D

Hope you all have a great day! I'll try to remember to take pictures of everything I cook this time!

Home-Made Chicken Pizza

Feel very loved, because I could be watching House right now. :)
This is how you make "Poor-People Tuscan Chicken Pizza"

You will need:
Pizza Crust
Chicken (Frozen, Grilled, Whatever)
Ranch Dressing
Cheese
Sauce (to be explained in-recipe)
Other Toppings of Your Choice
Pan, Cooking Spray, Oven (or Grill, I suppose) and all other such things, like oven mitts
OPTIONAL: A Partner to buy the wrong things at the store :)

Ok so here's how you get started. Raid the fridge for anything edible. Nothing? Decide you're going to be creative and make some Tuscan Chicken Pizza because that sounds freaking delicious right now. Call your boyfriend at work and say "Baby, would you be a dear and pick some things up for me on your way home so I can cook us something good to eat?" He'll say "But by the time I get home, it will be 10 PM. Will you really want to eat then?" Politely point out that if God never intended for us to eat at night, there wouldn't be a light in the fridge; he will politely reply that our light doesn't work anyway. You will respond with "Ok sounds great! I'll text you a list! I Love you!" Then hang up and start re-rummaging the fridge for useful items.
I asked him to bring me two red tomatoes, some pesto, some mozzarella, mushrooms, crust, spinach and garlic powder. He came home with mozzarella, mushrooms and crust. Hmmmmm.

At this point, if your chicken isn't cooked (because we use frozen fillets... I know, I know.) cover it in Ranch Dressing (I don't even like ranch dressing but this works!!) and stick in the oven to cook like 90% of the way.

Start on the pizza!

When you discover that you now have no sauce, reach into that little slot in the door of the fridge and pull out all those extra packets of taco sauce from Taco Bell. Spray down the pan with cooking oil and lay in the crust (we used the uncooked kind that pop out of Pillsbury cans :) Drip the taco sauce onto the crust in a "trying to even it out" kind of way. Don't worry, if you don't have any real sauce, trust me, this came out great! (If your boyfriend actually bought you some pesto, put that on as sauce too, but don't use all of it. Pesto is great until you eat a whole jar, it's a bit too much.) Also, if you have tomatoes (woe is me!) slice them into thin round slices and lay them on too! Tomatoes are SO GOOD when they are warn and cooked! (Someone remind me to tell you guys how to make baked "fried" green tomatoes! I know, it sounds horrible, but they are so good! I could eat them all day!)

Lay on the cheese. LOTS of cheese!! Then add as many mushrooms as you can possibly fit onto the pizza. Then add like 10 more. Save a few for omelets in the morning. :) YUM. Next, since the chicken isn't done yet, decide that you need more toppings....hmmmm. Oh I know! Get out that thin turkey sandwich lunch meat and rip it into little pieces and put it all over the place, and some bacon too. Bacon makes everything better!  (We were lucky enough to have some pre-cooked bacon that LoverBoy's roomie had bought, yay! no burnt bacon!). Put about as much bacon as you did mushrooms, if not more. But save some of that for omelets in the morning too!

Get the yummy, ranch drenched chicken out of the oven and cut it into pieces. Sprinkle it over the pizza. Think about how freaking good this would be if you had your darn tomatoes! Then, if you have garlic or garlic powder, sprinkle some of that over the top and some more cheese if you'd like.

Put the oven on about 475 and cook until the edges of the crust turn a nice golden brown (10-15 minutes) and when it comes out, give it a minute or two to cool so it doesn't fall apart when you cut it, then cut it and relish! :) This is an awesome pizza! When I get LoverBoy's camera, I'll put up the picture :)

I have no idea how many calories are in it, and I don't want to.
CAUTION: If you have a three month old blood hound puppy, he will try to kill you to get to this pizza. Please be careful, he likes to eat and he's a devil dog (but I'm sure you love him anyway) :)

Dante & Me

Ever seen Marley & Me? Great movie. If you haven't, you really should. It's really funny, sad ending and family friendly. But that dog. I can't decide if I'm smug about having a movie star's offspring or just annoyed. Dante is the worst dog ever. I'll be posting pictures later and a video to prove it! Oh, and LoverBoy and I made (mostly me, but he got the chicken out of the oven :D ) chicken alfredo. It was so freaking good. I used less milk and made the sauce thicker this time. YUM. I'll put that recipe up soon too. Tonight, I'm thinking a how-to for chicken pizza. We have a lot of frozen chicken... :)

"Fall" in Love With...My Corny Puns :)

See, I'm so excited that the weather is changing, I can't help but say awful things like that ;) It feels sooooo good outside. I stayed with LoverBoy yesterday. It was nice. We took the dog for a walk (or rather, he took me; this is impressive because he's only about three months old...), we went to Petsmart and got some nail clippers and a doggie harness because he pulls on his collar til he chokes himself when he's on a leash. Anyway, then we went to his house and watched an hour long comedy act on youtube. The guy was funny but he was racist as all get out. I don't care what you think, but black people are just as (if not more...) racist as white people, who are just as racist as Asian people, who are just as racist as Hispanic people and so on and so forth. Everybody has hate, so just because you're a different shade of tan than me don't play like I'm a racist JUST BECAUSE I'm a different shade of tan than you are. Just sayin'. I don't like racism and I REALLY don't like racism when it's pretending to not be what it is. Anyway, but his non-race based jokes were funny.
We also talked about the apartment. It looks like it's not going to happen. Which makes me soooo sad. But I'm trying to be optimistic.

I'm reminding myself that my joy is about who I am, not what I have.

So, even though I'm not thrilled about this (because I'm stuck in this dorm room with her and SuperEgo and that attitude, and I was looking forward to having something of my own, and kind of the fact that I would be living next door to my boss lol), I'm just going to be positive. It'll all work out one way or the other and I have too much other stuff to be thankful for. Did I tell you about my sexy-shoes yesterday? I'll have to write again tonight and tell you about that! It was GREAT!!!

6 Minutes

That's how long I have to write this. I've been subconsciously putting off studying for this test all afternoon and now I feel like crap because I'm thinking of how prepared I would be for the test by now and how I could blog like a crazy persona and then go straight to bed. But I can't. So in five minutes at 10 PM I WILL study and then at eleven or when I'm fully prepared (whichever comes first) I am going to bed (unless I become "un-tired" by then). Apartment hunting, going pretty well, just got to work out some details with Lover Boy but he's still sick so the talking isn't happening so much but we did have a nice long talk last night about how we are going to start compromising more. So I'm happy with what I've got right now. Also, apparently, I got like 28 page views today, which is amazing. Up until this point, someone only accidentally stumbled across this thing every now and then but that's fine. I mean it's a personal blog so you all probably don't find it all that interesting but I adore the documentation of trivial (and not so trivial) moments of my life. So even if nobody reads this, I'm happy enough that it's here. :) Time to go. One minute to post and get offline. Have a nice night! :)

So I Have to Acquire a Horse, a Gun and a Stylish New Coat

This is my problem when it comes to creative blog post titling: I get ideas that are just barely related to what I'm going to talk about then new ideas (ones that are even less related) spring from those. All this over a post title. So real quick, before I actually blog about anything, I'm going to explain the title.
I'm writing this one about apartment hunting and for some weird reason, I thought of foxhunting type hunting. So I thought "Well I'll title it 'I'm Taking the Dogs Out Today for a Bit of Hunting'" and then I thought, well I'll call it "the title I have up" because when I started thinking about the foxhunting I googled it and got all interested and found this cute coat and blah blah blah. So here's the coat and a cute little vest I would wear under it (if I could afford such luxuries):
  
Yes, I know they're for fox hunting, but whatever. I'd wear them. Often.
Time to get on with the blog post!

I'm apartment hunting! :D
I have to get an apartment next year anyway to keep Dante while Loverboy is gone for the year, so I started asking around a bit. I've found a very nice possibility and was strongly considering moving in earlier just to ensure I would be able to get a room and to get out of this one. The thought of all the money I COULD save if I waited til next year was making me sick, so I was questioning myself. I'm not big on renting. You invest and get no return at all. And yet, I want something of my own. Something that's mine. Only. I want a chance to live by myself and do things the way I want to. If only I could afford a fixer upper, I would be thrilled. But anyway, like I said, I was doubting whether or not to go ahead and get it for December or wait because of the money I could save. I mean, think of it! I would save about $300 dollars a month by not renting and just living on campus. I could save for my wedding, for my Master's degree, for my house! The only reason I'm considering it at all is because I'll have to get one when he leaves and what if there isn't one available then? August is when all the students come back and try to find places to live... Nobody is looking in December. And from December to June is only 6 months, so I would only save....$1200?...Holy crap, that just made me much more hesitant. But in June, when Loverboy's lease is up, he said he's move up here. Of course, I don't want him to move in with me though.... I mean I do. But I don't. I dont want to play house. If he Loves me, then he won't ask me to. But we're talking about it. I'll keep you updated! :)

Seriously. Just saying.
And I need to stop complaining so much. So, to rectify my just written, horrible grouchy post about my annoying sister and her even more annoying boyfriend, I have decided I must write a post entirely (except for that last clause...) of optimism and happy things. Here we go...

Photo Albums Made of Text
(I decided to title this part just because, like I said, I've been slacking off on the creative name coming up with part of this whole experience). So.
Number One: I decided to start yet another project, but it's not going to officially start until my anniversary in October. I'm going to make a book of 365 reasons (one for every day of the year) why I Love Mr. Ireland. :) Mushy Gushy and stuff, I know. But I think it will work out well. So when I get done with this, I'm going to try to get a head start and write a few down. That way, when we are fighting or something and I don't really feel like doing it because I'm in a bad mood, I will still have something to work with (because let's admit it, sometimes, your partner just sucks lol).
So that will be fun.
Proposition number two: I'm going to focus on the new puppy. How can you be anything but happy around a puppy?! So tomorrow, after I get off work, I'm going to go with Ireland and Dante to the Petsmart. :) I've always wanted to be one of the people who take their doggie inside. I also need to make a name tag for him and look into apartments around campus that let you have pets. That way, if Lover Boy has to leave for deployment, I can keep Dante.
Numero tres: I got my homework in on time tonight. :)
Number four: I already feel a bit better about this whole thing (even though, it still isn't ok, of course...)
Number five: I'm thinking about how lucky I am to have, not a guy LIKE mine, but mine. :) I'm just so....glad. I can't even express what it is to Love him, it's just so intense. Sometimes it's heat and sometimes it's a soft cool breeze; sometimes it's passionate and sometimes it's sweet; sometimes it's like the old couple everyone wants to be like and sometimes it's like that new couple in high school that are cute and can't keep their hands off each other; sometimes it just overtakes me in the middle of the night and I just need him there with me so I can hug him and tell him how thankful I am that he's mine, how sorry I am for all the mistakes I've made and how completely I forgive him for the ones he's made. It's a beautiful thing, wouldn't trade it for the whole world and all the things I ever thought I wanted.
Number six: It's almost time to go to sleep and sleep is so, so sweet.
Number seven: Lover Boy is coming up tomorrow (hopefully) and is bringing Dante.
Number eight: I have a cold soda. :) yum.
Number nine: my computer course instructor is considering making us create a blog for credit. Cha-ching. Ahead of the game baby.
Number ten: newly cut, wet grass is one of the best smells in the world. Even better than air conditioning in summertime.
Eleven: I have an awesome jacket that I got for $20.
Twelve: My boss complimented me on my work yesterday. :D Booyah.
Thirteen: I'm going to stop counting so I can make a "quantity is not as important as quality" point :)

I dyed my hair again last night and missed a huge spot but you can't tell!

My internet is actually working!

I think I've worked out enough that I can find a pair of rain boots to fit my legs!

I found a cute little plastic raccoon at church that I named Mushi and put on my window sill! He's adorable and holding an apple!

Even though I won't do it very often, I can skip class whenever I want to!!!

I have a scholarship.

My boyfriend is amazing. I just thought of yet another reason why that is true.

Fresh pencils are fabulous. So is pretty paper.

Does anybody else like easy mac as much as I do?

I own some plastic maracas.

I feel way less grouchy/complain-y now.

My StumbleUpon account is one of the best internet things to ever happen to me.

There is God and I truly believe He Loves me, even during times like this.

I'm alive and healthy, even though I complain.

I'm free.

I'm in Love.

I'm Loved.

I'm kinda funny :)

I'm actually not counting.

I'm ready to go to sleep :)

Dante

We got a puppy!!! WE GOT A PUPPY!!
He's soooo adorable. He's a bloodhound and his name is Dante. He's about two months old. We got him Saturday night and he has been having such a good time. Lover Boy has definitely got a "new puppy owner" side; he will never admit it but I caught him talking puppy talk to Dante last night. He (the puppy) also LOVES to snuggle. I just can't even tell you how much I love this dog! I'll keep you filled in :)
It was also Lover Boy's birthday, so I tried this cupcake recipe with cookie dough inside....well they tasted great, they just looked funny. I have (for your tummy's pleasure) included the recipe at the bottom.
So anyway, we've (I say we, but really it's supposed to be HIS dog....he says he knew better than that all along though) been looking to get a puppy, we just couldn't find one. So we looked in the mule trader (well the three pages he ripped out of one) and saw this ad for a German Shepherd/Chow mix puppy. So we called the people and got in the truck to go get the dog. It was supposed to be a fifteen minute drive. We were in the truck for two hours!! Two hours, looking for this place. Couldn't find a thing. So we went home and I was exceptionally sad and he says "Well when we get home, look again and if you see anything, call. If you find something in town, we'll go get it and if not, we'll try again tomorrow." So I looked and found ONE AD. Long shot right? I called and the woman was (actually) about ten minutes away from the house. So we drove over there and got Dante. The little girl said they couldn't keep any of the puppies but she had just got so attached to him and they had to take any that were left in the next few days to the humane society and she was just so scared about him going that we didn't even look at the other two boys; we had to take him. Of course, I would have picked him anyway :)
He's an outside dog, but we're spoiling him. He's been here two days and already he won't budge if my guy isn't right there with him and he hates being left outside by himself even though he's in a fenced in yard. He's just got to get used to a new place though.


A FEW HOURS AFTER I WROTE THIS:

Ireland (another name I've decided to give to Lover Boy so I don't have to keep typing "Lover Boy" over and over again) has officially decided that Dante is an inside dog. I knew it was going to happen. BAHAHAHAHA!!! XD
Wow. Well either way, I'm thrilled. He's a phenomenal snuggler, as I said. :)

______________________________

Cookie Dough Filled Cupcakes

You will need:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon sea salt (regular salt won't hurt!)
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/4 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips
OR
instead of all the above mentioned ingredients, you can buy cookie dough like I did :D

1 (18.25 oz) box cake mix (your favorite flavor of course!)
1 1/3 cups water
1/3 cup canola oil
3 eggs
paper cupcake liners (DO NOT OMIT THESE NO MATTER HOW MUCH PAM YOU HAVE!!)

Directions:
Mix the flour, baking soda and (sea) salt together and set it aside. Beat butter, white sugar and brown sugar in a large bowl until smooth (this would probably work better with an electric mixer). Add 1 egg and the vanilla extract and beat until smooth.  Mix in flour mixture "until just incorporated" (I have no idea what THAT means; like I said, I bought cookie dough). Fold in (TONS of) chocolate chips, mixing just enough to evenly combine. Form the dough into tablespoon sized balls; place onto baking sheet and freeze until solid (about two hours). Also, you will want to make a few extra so everyone can eat a frozen ball of cookie dough (raw cookie dough is not generally recommended for infants or pregnant or nursing women) while you wait on the cupcakes to bake! :) And if you don't make your dough, but instead you just buy it like me, just roll it into a ball and freeze!

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (or 175 C; does anybody measure oven temperature with Celsius?) Line muffin cups with paper liners (this is very, VERY important! I don't care how much PAM/butter/other cooking spray/oil you used, they will stick/crumble/fall to pieces and you will have to eat them with a fork straight out of the cupcake pan).

Beat three eggs in a large bowl. Add the cake mix, water and canola oil; continue to beat for two minutes (Here, again, an electric mixer would be helpful if you own one, if not, I just poured the ingredients together and mixed until smooth with a fork). Spoon into cupcake liners, filling each 2/3 full (don't over do this part...it gets...messy) Place a frozen cookie dough ball on the top center of each cupcake.

Bake until a toothpick inserted into the cake potion of the cupcake (NOT the cookie dough part) comes out clean; about 20 minutes. Cool in pans for 20 minutes before removing completely to cool on a wire rack (OR, if you are terribly impatient for that warm cookie dough ball of gooey goodness, put it on a plate and prepare to scoop with a fork!). DO NOT OVER-BAKE. Your cupcake middles will get hard and crumbly and not so good.

Happy cup-cake eating!

I Started a New Project

First of all, let me be completely..."puppy-like:"
I Love my guy. I Love him. He's so ...imperfect. I am so glad :)
I mean for those of you who say "My 'so-and-so' is perfect; they have no faults; everything about them is wonderful." YOU are either lying or stupid. Maybe stupid is too harsh. Disillusioned at least.
His faults are what make him perfect for me. But you better believe he has them and I don't always like them. Just like I have my own and he SURE doesn't always like them. But I'm glad.

Anyway, my project: I've started writing letters to myself in a journal in case I ever get amnesia. When I started I was thinking about all the things that had happened to me, but then I couldn't really get it all out on paper. I had a hard time because when I put the pen to the page, so much of it was questionable. Did I WANT to remember this if I had a choice? Would not remembering things change who I am? Would I, myself, disintegrate into some other girl who wouldn't be like me, love the things I love or eat the things I eat? What if I left something out. But so much of it just wasn't... there just wasn't a reason to write it down. A fresh new start. But how much of it gets to be new and fresh and how much of it do I owe myself to remember, how would it change things?

So you might think that's silly, but it really makes you think about what's important to you and what makes you...you, as a person. It's something to think about at least. Maybe I'll post the letters someday...

We Face Things

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death...

So, I don't know if I already told you this, but I decided to stop ignoring Bugs. NOT because what they did was ok, because it WAS NOT. But I love her, and I won't let anybody's stupidity come between us (be it his, hers or even mine). So I told her so. I explained all that I just said to her. And what happens that night? Up comes O.M.G.S. and into the sack they go. Really? Like they couldn't wait fifteen minutes for me to go to work? Whatever. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this but one way or another, this is going to get dealt with.

But on another not, Love Boy came yesterday and it was so nice. It's days like yesterday when I can tell myself he Loves me and actually believe it. Other days, I let him say it. Because it makes him feel better for me to hear it. But...I just tell myself the truth on those days, after I go up to my room alone. But yesterday he came. We drove through the wind and the rain and got soaking wet and he brought me a pink plastic yard flamingo. I know you don't get it, but it's so sweet. 

Featherstone: "And I am PINK!"

But, as the name of the post dictates, there was another reason I had for writing. Lately (amazing since it's been only two weeks) I've been wondering if maybe college just isn't for me. I mean, I love to learn. I love writing papers (yeah, I know...). I like college and I want the career path that I can get only with a degree. But I'm just so... I don't really know. I thought having Bugs here would make things better than they were last year, but... I'm still just so sad and scared and I feel like a failure all the time. It makes me wonder if maybe college just isn't for me. I mean, it's not that I haven't adjusted to life, I mean this is my second year here, I get it by now. I really don't; I really don't know what's wrong with me. It's not the depression. I know that much. I remember the depression and it wasn't this easy. My stomach is ALWAYS in nervous knots, I feel lonely and I just wish he would stay up here with me. I mean let's be honest: we started the counseling to prepare for the things we would face as a married couple; but do you want to know what I really think? Why I think we really decided to stop going? He's not going to marry me. He's not. The way he's acting lately only makes sense if you put it in that context: He is not going to marry me. I don't know what changed. I really don't. It was this all of a sudden thing and it just...changed but the thing is I don't even know what it was that changed.

And yet, even though its becoming more and more obvious to me that he isn't going to marry me, he comes to see me and spend time with me and gets me a pink plastic flamingo. I don't really understand that, but what choice do I have? "You can leave," you say. No. I can't. And I never would. Why would I walk away and leave my soul standing there looking at me? I don't care what anybody thinks in this front: I Love him. And nothing matters in comparison to that. So no, I would never even consider leaving. But I just wish I knew what was going on with him.

But over the last few days, I've seen us (myself, him, Bugs even O.M.G.S.) face some things that people just shouldn't have to. It seems like there should be some way to prevent the unfairness of things that people have to deal with. And don't give me that load of crap about how "Life isn't fair." No. It's not. That doesn't mean you play off the fact with the statement. Saying "Well, life's not fair." doesn't make you a better person for stating the truth to someone who doesn't need it at that moment. An 8 year old kid hasn't eaten in three days and you wanna say "Sorry, kid. Life ain't fair, maybe you'll get something to eat tomorrow." There are some things people just shouldn't have to face, but they do. Every day. Everyone is a hero for that. Hopefully, we all have someone to lean on and get a hug from in those times. I do...

...I will fear no evil, for You are with me.

The First Saturday of Many

He didn't come.

Of course, he didn't.

And just like I predicted, I am here. I am sitting in my room. Doing nothing.
I woke up at 9. I waited. At 10 or 11, I texted. I waited. I went from the bed to breakfast to the computer and waited. Finally, somewhere between 12 and 1, ding! You've got mail. Or a text message. Or whatever.
Please let the reader be aware that MY text said "Good morning, for when you actually get up." What I received was not even "good morning;" oh no, it was "something is wrong with my back."
Sounds serious don't it?
Well whats wrong?
I slept on a shoe. I can't come see you because I slept on a shoe and consequentially, my back hurts too much to move so I can't come see you. Because. I slept. On a shoe.

Fabulous.

Now, please understand: I am NOT upset because his back hurts.
I am upset because it is always something. Always something.
Every.
Single.
Day.

My head hurts. My arm hurts. My legs hurt because I am so obsessed with my image that I work out way too much even though I know better and hurt myself. Again. My stomach hurts. My brother's stomach hurts. My dad's head hurts. My mom's arms hurt. My lip hurts. My face hurts. My body hurts. My foot hurts. My ribs hurt because I dropped a box of fries on myself at work, so don't hug me. My eye hurts. My brother's leg hurts. My.....

And you get the point. Actually, you don't. Just like I am sure there is someone in your life who I would never understand what you mean about them until I met them, this is him to you.
Seriously, I have NEVER met ANYONE who was so constantly complaining about SOMETHING. I mean, no, if he's in pain I do not want him to just ignore it or pretend it's not there to appease me, but HOLY FREAKING CRAP; anybody in that much pain that often would be dead already. Or they would go to the doctor. Or they would put a little more effort into getting health insurance and THEN go to the doctor.

Let's be honest: No. I don't believe him all the time. In fact, he complains SO much that if I only believed him 10% of the time, I would still think he was in pain every other day at the LEAST.

And yes, I know I'm complaining.

And I don't. Even. Care.

So since the "surprise" non-visit was announced, I've been killing my brain cells with StumbleUpon, YouTube,  Facebook, and Blogger. I HAVE NOT done any of my homework, eaten anything healthy, read the new book I bought or studied. I haven't even left this room because I was PLANNING on taking a shower but I waited to long and now all these stupid MALES are in the building and I don't even want to deal with it. It's not even worth it. It's not like I'm going anywhere or doing anything or seeing anybody anyway right?!?!

I'm wrapped up in a quilt, typing this, about to start stuffing my face with ice cream sandwiches and coffee. The sorority down the west hall is singing. Its not their practicing time and they just KEEP walking up and down this hallway THAT THEY DON'T EVEN LIVE ON, just BUTCHERING good music. Plus I haven't spoken to HER since the whole "your freaking boyfriend saw me without all my clothes on because you SENT him into the room" thing. Which was what? Day before last? Yeah. Which sucks because she is my sister and I love her. But I'm so pissed off at her. I have, however, recovered from my irrational "get a baseball bat, a bar of soap and a garbage bag" anger, but have now moved into the rational "she actually does deserve to be slapped in the face and I never want to look at his face again" anger. Not going anywhere anytime soon. And, intelligently enough, the did not come in here last night. She left and went to his house. Its about freaking time. And AMAZINGLY, she left to go to his house this morning too and said she would be back tonight. Can you imagine how happy I was for the alone time with Lover Boy? Until of course, I found out he wasn't even coming. B. is at work today (which means he isn't even in TOWN) and, what an ironic coincidence, Pookie (that is not her real name but for anonymity's sake....) isn't even in this part of the COUNTRY. Wow.
Leave it to me, the girl who HATES HATES HATES to be alone, to be the one person in town today. Wow.
And to top it all off, I don't even have any paint to paint with....

I'm thinking I'll kill my brain with a few more hours of pointless YouTube videos, let Foamy the Squirrel make me laugh, clean up the room, get a shower and let Cee Lo Green, Avril and Simple Plan talk me into going out and buying some paint in something sexy.