I Need an Attitude Adjustment

So no matter what I think is true in the end of this journey, I know there is God and I know He is Love.
My problem is that I can't get over how much I despise The Sister and Le Douche. Stop pretending to be asleep, put it back in your pants (and keep it there) and get out.
Yet, how am I an better by acting and thinking the way I do? I'm not. So, I'm going to try to....be a bigger person I guess.
We'll see how it goes.....
Wish me luck.
On another note, B. and I went around town today apartment hunting and the more we tentatively plan things around moving in together, the surer I get that it's a bad idea. I mean I was as up front with him as I felt was tactful. I said that if he found something he liked and could afford, he shouldn't worry about me because if I found something LoverBoy and I liked and could afford that we would get it. I also told him (at the very start of our expedition today) that the goal isn't necessarily to move in together or get an apartment together but just to find something. I found one that I'm very seriously considering and he doesn't like it. And that's fine with me because it's something that I wouldn't want to share. I mean the two of us isn't a big deal (although I'm sensing it would turn into one eventually) and I told him upfront: This is NOT for me and somebody else. This is for me and LoverBoy and the only reason we would want a (A) roommate is to make it more affordable. But now B. is talking about him and his boyfriend. Well, I like your boyfriend fine, that's fine, but I thought I made myself very clear that I was pretty sure I didn't want him to move in. B's argument was that it would make it easier for him to afford since he is a server but hang on: I get minimum wage too and I get less hours than you do and then later I found out by slip of his tongue that his parents would be paying his rent. So.... not technically a lie but still deceptive so you can convince to live with yet another person. I mean, I also made myself very clear about the fact that MY (not B's, not B's boyfriend's and not even LoverBoy's) name is going on the lease. This place is mine. I made this all VERY, VERY clear and never said for sure that I was ok with so and so moving in and yet B has already practically got the boy packing. I feel like there's been a massive shift and I'm not ok with that. Sure, call me a dictator, but I don't care. It was my idea, it's my apartment. If you want one, fine, but there's no way you can just decide without me that someone else is moving into my apartment and that we're getting THOSE apartments (the most expensive ones I've seen and they aren't even in the freaking city!) and that nothing has to be unplugged because so and so is paying your bills. Well nobody but me is paying my bills and I'm not ok with all that and I'm not ok with you acting like it's all your decision. Let's be brutally honest here: I am getting an apartment when it is financially convenient for me. That was the plan all along. I am getting an apartment with my name only on the lease. Also been said all along. I am not ok with four people (one of which I don't know that well) living in my apartment. Also made very clear. I am not paying a ridiculous light bill because you refuse to unplug things. Made perfectly clear and yet was disagreed with. Why would you WANT to raise a bill for something you aren't even using?! More later.

Oh the Controversy

I tried to post this the other day but Blogger was like "nuh-uh" and wagged its finger at me.
So basically, I burnt my thumb on a 410 degree flat iron and it hurt but most of my thumb print has returned :)

Now for the stupidity. The Sister and SuperEgo (who I've decided to rename Le Douche) "officially announced" their "engagement" on facebook.
Numero Uno, you've been engaged since June. Kind of interesting how you waited til right after your best friend gets engaged and right before your sister's (me) four year anniversary to tell everybody, huh? Not getting all the attention for once?
Darn. Well don't worry, you and Douche will have a great marriage for like 4 whole months!
Secondly, did you not feel the need to inform certain individuals before you told the whole world? I don't know, like OUR MOTHER, who I'm sure would have been very interested to know that you were getting married before all your facebook friends. Or, maybe your sister? Although you didn't have to tell me, I found out but it would have been nice to be among those that you consider important.
Oh wait, I forgot, nobody is important but you and Douche. Right. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

Anyhoo, so I have a not so sneaking suspicion that I'll be getting my own ring quite soon. :D
And it's about dang time too! I mean excuse me, but you (The Sister) and Elso (friend) can get married and I been with LoverBoy since before you all even knew each other? AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF:
My sister wants to graduate with me and Douche and do you know why? So she can get married right before I do. That's her motivation for graduating college. Wow. Like you have nothing better to do with your life than spitefully try to sabotage my wedding. Really? Well you go right ahead. You're the one getting stuck with a complete jackass.

Anyway, I'm going to stop obsessively ranting about them and focus on how happy I am that this is going to happen! :) God, I'm so excited. I'm so freaking happy. You all will be informed quite shortly after it happens (I'm soooooo counting on this weekend)! I just can't curb my enthusiasm. *SCREAM* ah.

The apartment is a maybe (a probably maybe); the engagement is also (end even better) a probably maybe, I found dollar TV dinners that are fabulous (Alfredo, tortellini, pizza rolls, chicken flatbreads), I'm just happy. :)

Want to see the ring I want?

This is THE RING people.
But even if I don't get this one, it's ok,
"cuz it ain't about the bling on the ring,"
it's about us :)

Have a great day guys :)

Sexy Shoes

So yesterday, I had a presentation to do. I don't have much self confidence, I don't have much self-esteem. When it comes to stuff like this, I don't do so well about being calm and collected. So what I did was decided that since I didn't have any confidence, I would fake it. So I put on my sexy shoes.

And I strut. And I rocked the world. So, I held my head up higher, I had guys actually stop and look at me and watch me walk by, I kicked butt on my presentation, and I felt so great. Then, at the end of the day, I fell down the stairs. It was sooooo funny! XD But oh my gosh, it hurt. But whatever. I didn't die :) It was worth it.

Then today, I been trying to keep that attitude up. Even though the apartment bit seems to be falling through, I been having a great day. I opened my mailbox today and found a check! YAY! :) That was nice. And my boss took me to look at the apartment today, even though, well you know. So that was fun. It was really nice too! Very cute and it would just be so darn nice! :D But we'll see.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you guys about my victory :)

Another victory I just won: She and SuperEgo left the room because I'm playing comedy central too loud. I mean come on, it's not like I'm vacuuming or slamming doors or yelling while you're writing a paper after you promised your boyfriend wouldn't even be here. Silly.

>:) 

"Fall" in Love With...My Corny Puns :)

See, I'm so excited that the weather is changing, I can't help but say awful things like that ;) It feels sooooo good outside. I stayed with LoverBoy yesterday. It was nice. We took the dog for a walk (or rather, he took me; this is impressive because he's only about three months old...), we went to Petsmart and got some nail clippers and a doggie harness because he pulls on his collar til he chokes himself when he's on a leash. Anyway, then we went to his house and watched an hour long comedy act on youtube. The guy was funny but he was racist as all get out. I don't care what you think, but black people are just as (if not more...) racist as white people, who are just as racist as Asian people, who are just as racist as Hispanic people and so on and so forth. Everybody has hate, so just because you're a different shade of tan than me don't play like I'm a racist JUST BECAUSE I'm a different shade of tan than you are. Just sayin'. I don't like racism and I REALLY don't like racism when it's pretending to not be what it is. Anyway, but his non-race based jokes were funny.
We also talked about the apartment. It looks like it's not going to happen. Which makes me soooo sad. But I'm trying to be optimistic.

I'm reminding myself that my joy is about who I am, not what I have.

So, even though I'm not thrilled about this (because I'm stuck in this dorm room with her and SuperEgo and that attitude, and I was looking forward to having something of my own, and kind of the fact that I would be living next door to my boss lol), I'm just going to be positive. It'll all work out one way or the other and I have too much other stuff to be thankful for. Did I tell you about my sexy-shoes yesterday? I'll have to write again tonight and tell you about that! It was GREAT!!!

This One is a Mess

So I'm awful because I should really be working on some Spanish, but I just get like this...well, alot lately. I feel so behind that I get overwhelmed and don't know where to start. I have my good studious intentions then I aimlessly browse the internet and, apparently, blog about it. I don't even really have much to talk about. Got up, went to work, went to class, got an 85 (....-_-....) on my test, came back to my room. B. says he won't be moving in with me when I move out because if he moves out in December, they will charge him a penalty fee of $250. That sucks, but at the same time, I think he would still be saving money... I don't know. I'm going to try to keep the discussion open simply because I don't think I can bear living here anymore. I could always find another willing roomie I suppose.... I just don't know who to ask. I don't have any girlfriends. At least, not any I'd want to live with. My automatic first thought would always have been my sister, but since she's the person (or one of the two) I'm try to escape from so desperately, I don't think that would work. What I can say though, is that I believe she's talked SuperEgo into moving out of his dad's house because she heard me talking about an apartment... If he moves into the same apartment building.... can I get a restraining order on people for being jackasses? Pardon my language, please. But that's a completely serious question.
Anyway, so I'm really considering still moving out in December..it's just that from December to June, I can't pay for it alone. I HAVE to get a roommate. I'm even so desperate as to consider paying B.'s $250 to get him to move in with me (though I know I won't), perhaps if I pay the security deposit then we'll be even. I don't really think that it's completely fair to make him pay a security deposit on a place he may only be staying in for 6 months anyway... If I paid the start up fees on all the bills and the security deposit, I wonder if then he would be willing.. I'm asking him. I'm pretty sure he'd still be saving money and I just....I just have to get out of here. What I am worried about is if I move out now, will she say (or not tell me at all) that she's not going to room with me after this year. I need that money, I can't afford it without the money from my room refund.
And yes, I do think she would screw me over like that. I don't doubt it at all. Even though she would be gaining by it, I still am completely sure that she would be stupid and malicious and screw me over just out of spite because she doesn't think to do the math. And my question is: WHAT do you have to be spiteful to ME about?! Honestly, I have no idea. I know I have been bitchy, but anyone would considering the crap they've been putting me through. So I'm not even sorry about it.
Sometimes, I wish I could just pull out the right amount of money every time I paid for something. I'd never have to worry about being broke or not being able to do what I wanted. No, money doesn't buy happiness or love or freedom or any of those really important things, but as long as you use it and don't let it use you, it sure doesn't hurt to have it. Maybe it's a good thing I don't have any money. Maybe if I were rich, I would be a jerk. I don't think so, but maybe if I had never known what it is to not have money, I wouldn't appreciate it anyway. So I guess it's a blessing that I know I can live without it and I know that it's a tool, not a way of life.
On another note: my other blog, if I start it, which I'm thinking I might, is going to be about religion. And don't make that face. That's not what I mean. I'm not preaching at anyone. I need people to preach at me. I just think that there HAS to be SOMEONE out there SOMEWHERE who's like me: who doesn't know the answers anymore and needs to find them, who is tired of people telling her why one thing is good and another thing is bad and not telling her why, who wants to know who God is and not just how to behave, who wants to truly test religion (all of them) and see if they are actually true, who doesn't want what "works for me" but what truly is. There has to be someone out there like that...who isn't insane and hosting a suicide cult.... So I'm probably going to do it. How I'm going to manage three blogs (my second is: Muse Ten Reviews and you should check it out if you like :) it's book reviews and such but for people writing papers it is very helpful and also there are going to be some other things, like video games and such once it's gotten pretty well established), I don't know. But its just so important to me to do this. I feel like I'm on this journey and there doesn't seem to be any end to it. I mean, how can I do this alone? How can I really, honestly do this at all? I need to write it. But (of all the things for me to be concerned about) what do I call it...?

6 Minutes

That's how long I have to write this. I've been subconsciously putting off studying for this test all afternoon and now I feel like crap because I'm thinking of how prepared I would be for the test by now and how I could blog like a crazy persona and then go straight to bed. But I can't. So in five minutes at 10 PM I WILL study and then at eleven or when I'm fully prepared (whichever comes first) I am going to bed (unless I become "un-tired" by then). Apartment hunting, going pretty well, just got to work out some details with Lover Boy but he's still sick so the talking isn't happening so much but we did have a nice long talk last night about how we are going to start compromising more. So I'm happy with what I've got right now. Also, apparently, I got like 28 page views today, which is amazing. Up until this point, someone only accidentally stumbled across this thing every now and then but that's fine. I mean it's a personal blog so you all probably don't find it all that interesting but I adore the documentation of trivial (and not so trivial) moments of my life. So even if nobody reads this, I'm happy enough that it's here. :) Time to go. One minute to post and get offline. Have a nice night! :)

So I Have to Acquire a Horse, a Gun and a Stylish New Coat

This is my problem when it comes to creative blog post titling: I get ideas that are just barely related to what I'm going to talk about then new ideas (ones that are even less related) spring from those. All this over a post title. So real quick, before I actually blog about anything, I'm going to explain the title.
I'm writing this one about apartment hunting and for some weird reason, I thought of foxhunting type hunting. So I thought "Well I'll title it 'I'm Taking the Dogs Out Today for a Bit of Hunting'" and then I thought, well I'll call it "the title I have up" because when I started thinking about the foxhunting I googled it and got all interested and found this cute coat and blah blah blah. So here's the coat and a cute little vest I would wear under it (if I could afford such luxuries):
  
Yes, I know they're for fox hunting, but whatever. I'd wear them. Often.
Time to get on with the blog post!

I'm apartment hunting! :D
I have to get an apartment next year anyway to keep Dante while Loverboy is gone for the year, so I started asking around a bit. I've found a very nice possibility and was strongly considering moving in earlier just to ensure I would be able to get a room and to get out of this one. The thought of all the money I COULD save if I waited til next year was making me sick, so I was questioning myself. I'm not big on renting. You invest and get no return at all. And yet, I want something of my own. Something that's mine. Only. I want a chance to live by myself and do things the way I want to. If only I could afford a fixer upper, I would be thrilled. But anyway, like I said, I was doubting whether or not to go ahead and get it for December or wait because of the money I could save. I mean, think of it! I would save about $300 dollars a month by not renting and just living on campus. I could save for my wedding, for my Master's degree, for my house! The only reason I'm considering it at all is because I'll have to get one when he leaves and what if there isn't one available then? August is when all the students come back and try to find places to live... Nobody is looking in December. And from December to June is only 6 months, so I would only save....$1200?...Holy crap, that just made me much more hesitant. But in June, when Loverboy's lease is up, he said he's move up here. Of course, I don't want him to move in with me though.... I mean I do. But I don't. I dont want to play house. If he Loves me, then he won't ask me to. But we're talking about it. I'll keep you updated! :)