So no matter what I think is true in the end of this journey, I know there is God and I know He is Love.
My problem is that I can't get over how much I despise The Sister and Le Douche. Stop pretending to be asleep, put it back in your pants (and keep it there) and get out.
Yet, how am I an better by acting and thinking the way I do? I'm not. So, I'm going to try to....be a bigger person I guess.
We'll see how it goes.....
Wish me luck.
On another note, B. and I went around town today apartment hunting and the more we tentatively plan things around moving in together, the surer I get that it's a bad idea. I mean I was as up front with him as I felt was tactful. I said that if he found something he liked and could afford, he shouldn't worry about me because if I found something LoverBoy and I liked and could afford that we would get it. I also told him (at the very start of our expedition today) that the goal isn't necessarily to move in together or get an apartment together but just to find something. I found one that I'm very seriously considering and he doesn't like it. And that's fine with me because it's something that I wouldn't want to share. I mean the two of us isn't a big deal (although I'm sensing it would turn into one eventually) and I told him upfront: This is NOT for me and somebody else. This is for me and LoverBoy and the only reason we would want a (A) roommate is to make it more affordable. But now B. is talking about him and his boyfriend. Well, I like your boyfriend fine, that's fine, but I thought I made myself very clear that I was pretty sure I didn't want him to move in. B's argument was that it would make it easier for him to afford since he is a server but hang on: I get minimum wage too and I get less hours than you do and then later I found out by slip of his tongue that his parents would be paying his rent. So.... not technically a lie but still deceptive so you can convince to live with yet another person. I mean, I also made myself very clear about the fact that MY (not B's, not B's boyfriend's and not even LoverBoy's) name is going on the lease. This place is mine. I made this all VERY, VERY clear and never said for sure that I was ok with so and so moving in and yet B has already practically got the boy packing. I feel like there's been a massive shift and I'm not ok with that. Sure, call me a dictator, but I don't care. It was my idea, it's my apartment. If you want one, fine, but there's no way you can just decide without me that someone else is moving into my apartment and that we're getting THOSE apartments (the most expensive ones I've seen and they aren't even in the freaking city!) and that nothing has to be unplugged because so and so is paying your bills. Well nobody but me is paying my bills and I'm not ok with all that and I'm not ok with you acting like it's all your decision. Let's be brutally honest here: I am getting an apartment when it is financially convenient for me. That was the plan all along. I am getting an apartment with my name only on the lease. Also been said all along. I am not ok with four people (one of which I don't know that well) living in my apartment. Also made very clear. I am not paying a ridiculous light bill because you refuse to unplug things. Made perfectly clear and yet was disagreed with. Why would you WANT to raise a bill for something you aren't even using?! More later.
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