I've Been Sin Internet All This Time

I missed my blog! :'(
But now I'm back in business baby! :)
You guys would not believe this holiday! First my dad wound up in the hospital and had his toe amputated, but me and LoverBoy drove the kids up to the hospital ponh Christmas and brought all the presents and had a surprise Christmas party in his room :) It was so nice. And I think it made him feel so much better :) And he got to come home that afternoon!
Of course, on Christmas Eve we had been without Mom's cooking and so the Sister and I, who are managing to get along now (I'm just waiting to get back to the dorm and all my stuff be gone), cooked ALOT of food and it all came out wonderful! Downside? Poodle and Bull (that's how I'm going to refer to my "real" mother and her bully husband) showed up and pushed my buttons all day and came back the day after Christmas. I tried to talk to them about something that had happened and I was very calm and polite and they freaked out so I told them off and now they say they won't ever come back. Great. Not that I'm going to miss them, just a couple other people in the family will.
So. Bipolar huh? But it's ok, it will either work out or it won't. Anyway, I need to go update my other blogs too :) When I return to my high-speed internet full campus, I'll be posting more often. I hope your holidays are going well too!

Another Nameless Post

That demonstrates how lazy I'm being, I suppose. I don't care. This weekend was long. Dad's in the hospital, though he's doing much better now. I'm losing my mind. We drove around last night listening to Christmas music for a while. There were, of course, no Christmas lights out, which may be what got me down in the first place. But either way, I feel like crap. I'm letting my circumstances define me. I'm not proud of that. But I'm also just so bored. I'm so bored with this way of life. I get up, go to work/school, come back, eat, do work, rant on here sometimes, go to bed. For fun, I watch a TV screen or read a book that does nothing except make life look paler or I go spend money on things I won't ever use. It's pointless. And I'm tired of it.

I Ranted Today

So, remember how I said that I had a not so sneaking suspicion that I'd have a ring next week? Well I told my boss that that was why I couldn't work. In his excitement (I suppose) he told my co-worker, who (for Lord knows what reason) told The Sister and Le Douche. *Hand on My Forehead.*Anyway, so his response is to get mad, say "Well, I did it first." and walk away. Well at first I was very, very angry. I mean who the bad word cares about what you did and when you did it? This ain't got nothing to do with your stupid self. And I said some bad words, all about them (what exactly, EXACTLY, they were and just where they could go, how they could get there and what they could do when they got there....) but after I ranted a bit and fumed for about twenty or thirty minutes, I realized I was being stupid. I was just making it into a bigger deal, which is what they were meaning for it to be. So I stepped back and actually processed my second thought on the situation. How pathetic. I mean, what does that one statement say about these two relationships?

About The Sister and Le Douche that statement says:

• They are completely insecure in their relationship
• They compare their relationship to ours
• They are somehow dependent on the success or failures of our relationship
• They see the relationship as a competition
• In this imaginary competition it is more important for them to "win" than it is for them to be together
• This reduces their relationship to meaning practically nothing
• That's really sad

About LoverBoy and I, that statement says:

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So, I decided I wasn't upset anymore, because me letting myself be upset only means that I value what they think and that what they think matters. But that's not true. I value their opinions probably less than any other person's that I know (those that I very much dislike are included in this category). And if they told me what they thought about my relationship, would it affect anything? No. So I let it go.

I feel....proud. Proud that I got myself under control and thought about it logically and that I was able to come back to my room, look her straight in the face and not get even the teeniest bit angry or even annoyed.

I don't want to use the word "victory" as in I've beaten them, but more-so that I've beaten my attitude, if only a small bit. 

Immaturely enough, I feel like having a party: the theme should be "I took a step up on the maturity ladder" lol

Anyway, I hope you all have a great night (or whatever time it is where you are).

I Need an Attitude Adjustment

So no matter what I think is true in the end of this journey, I know there is God and I know He is Love.
My problem is that I can't get over how much I despise The Sister and Le Douche. Stop pretending to be asleep, put it back in your pants (and keep it there) and get out.
Yet, how am I an better by acting and thinking the way I do? I'm not. So, I'm going to try to....be a bigger person I guess.
We'll see how it goes.....
Wish me luck.
On another note, B. and I went around town today apartment hunting and the more we tentatively plan things around moving in together, the surer I get that it's a bad idea. I mean I was as up front with him as I felt was tactful. I said that if he found something he liked and could afford, he shouldn't worry about me because if I found something LoverBoy and I liked and could afford that we would get it. I also told him (at the very start of our expedition today) that the goal isn't necessarily to move in together or get an apartment together but just to find something. I found one that I'm very seriously considering and he doesn't like it. And that's fine with me because it's something that I wouldn't want to share. I mean the two of us isn't a big deal (although I'm sensing it would turn into one eventually) and I told him upfront: This is NOT for me and somebody else. This is for me and LoverBoy and the only reason we would want a (A) roommate is to make it more affordable. But now B. is talking about him and his boyfriend. Well, I like your boyfriend fine, that's fine, but I thought I made myself very clear that I was pretty sure I didn't want him to move in. B's argument was that it would make it easier for him to afford since he is a server but hang on: I get minimum wage too and I get less hours than you do and then later I found out by slip of his tongue that his parents would be paying his rent. So.... not technically a lie but still deceptive so you can convince to live with yet another person. I mean, I also made myself very clear about the fact that MY (not B's, not B's boyfriend's and not even LoverBoy's) name is going on the lease. This place is mine. I made this all VERY, VERY clear and never said for sure that I was ok with so and so moving in and yet B has already practically got the boy packing. I feel like there's been a massive shift and I'm not ok with that. Sure, call me a dictator, but I don't care. It was my idea, it's my apartment. If you want one, fine, but there's no way you can just decide without me that someone else is moving into my apartment and that we're getting THOSE apartments (the most expensive ones I've seen and they aren't even in the freaking city!) and that nothing has to be unplugged because so and so is paying your bills. Well nobody but me is paying my bills and I'm not ok with all that and I'm not ok with you acting like it's all your decision. Let's be brutally honest here: I am getting an apartment when it is financially convenient for me. That was the plan all along. I am getting an apartment with my name only on the lease. Also been said all along. I am not ok with four people (one of which I don't know that well) living in my apartment. Also made very clear. I am not paying a ridiculous light bill because you refuse to unplug things. Made perfectly clear and yet was disagreed with. Why would you WANT to raise a bill for something you aren't even using?! More later.