On My Mind

One: I swear, I will write down some bad puns so I can start making not-funny titles for my posts again :)
Two: weddings. Seriously on my mind. I thought LoverBoy was going to pop the question that one weekend, remember? Well, as we know, that was a no-go. I was so disappointed but I thought maybe it would be a Christmasy thing. Maybe. And then his dad asked for his Christmas present: a pair of wedding bands for himself and his wife. They never actually got married. And I think it is SO SWEET and I'm really impressed that he would ask for something like that and I want it to work out, I'm even willing to throw in a little myself since they're going to eventually be my parents-in-love. But Man-O-Mine has a very limited budget AND needs new tires because his just started sucking way too much to ignore much longer. So that's about five hundred right there, then the wedding bands for his parents, then a normal twenty dollar gift for his siblings, his few friends and me.
Know what that means?
No ring for me.
Does that SUCK? yes. Is there anything I can do about it? no. So, as excited and subsequently disappointed as I was the first time, this is worse because I know it's not going to happen anytime soon. And by anytime soon, I mean in the next six months or so. And it's been four years. I'm not content with "dating" anymore. That's enough. But it's not something I can change without just decided that it's marriage or nothing. And I can't do that either. So I'm stuck here. I want him to want to marry me. And I don't want him to do anything he's not ready for and then resent me later. But I also don't want to try to be fitting into a wedding gown when I'm forty.  I know we're young. But I want to enjoy our youth together, not waste it. At this rate, by the time we get married, we'll either have to rush to have kids or just not have any. I want us to have a few years to ourselves at least. Not years where we don't even live together. We aren't children. We've thought it out. We have a plan. He just isn't setting it in motion and I'm getting tired of waiting. I want him to be excited about spending the rest of his life with me. He won't even ask! I'm not bashing him, really I'm not. But dang it.
Anyhoo, I've been looking through wedding magazines anyway. If only I could afford this stuff, like a chocolate freaking fountain! You can just hold the strawberries under it and they get covered. It's the best invention I've ever seen! We always planned to do a fall wedding, and I love the idea because the weather is wonderful and everything but.... the colors... I don't love brown and orange for a wedding celebration. I was thinking something a bit more....colorful....