I mean, don't get me wrong: I Love him. Loverboy is my soul mate. I can easily imagine life without him and I never want to go there. But sometimes...
- Try to (or succeed in) make(ing) me jealous. EVER. This will backfire. Soooooooo badly.
- Lie to me. About anything.
- Try to make me feel lousy. If I'm wrong about something, tell me so but don't make me feel bad just for the hell of it.
- Tell another woman that "I'd love to but I have a girlfriend." Not if you keep that up, you don't.
- Give up on me when I'm being difficult.
- Act like you're better than me because: a) you know stuff about my family. I know stuff about yours too. b) you "aren't as rich" as me. My family is just as broke, I worked my ass off to get into college and my family has worked hard for what little we have. c) your life has been "harder" than mine. Everybody has a story, including the two of us; do not downplay my hardships unless you want me to mock yours. d) you know how to change the oil in a car. I know how to do calculus AND I know how to manipulate men into changing the oil in my car FOR me. We can be good at different things; you don't have to be a dick about it.
- When I say "What are we gonna do today?" I don't want to hear "I don't know; you pick something." I want to hear "You just wait! I've got a great surprise planned!"
- When we are sitting on the couch watching a movie, I want him to start a play fight with me and stop acting like we're a couple of old farts.
- I want a bouquet. Of fucking TULIPS.
- I want you to tell me what a bitch I'm acting like. (Use this with caution...)
- I want you to admit what a bitch you're acting like. And say you're sorry. And mean it. And show it.
- I want you to figure it out your own damn self.
All the time:
- When I ask "What do you think about this?" I don't want to hear "I don't know; what do you think?" I want to hear "I love it! That's a great..." or "I don't think that's a good..."
- When I say "I'm fine." I don't want to hear "fine then." I want to hear "No, you're not" as he wraps his arms around me.
- I don't want you to make me jealous of other women, I want you to make other women jealous of me. As in: open the fucking door for me. Do you have any idea how many brownie points you get for that one simple thing?! Stop acting like you're too good to be a fucking gentleman.
- I want you to quickly remind said women that you are unavailable and actually, no, you wouldn't be interested if only you didn't have girlfriend; you're not interested because you Love me, not because you're stuck with me.
- I want you to ask me what I think and actually TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.
- Pick your battles more wisely. You don't have to beat up the guy who looked at you funny in the parking lot; you do have to say something to the guy who was a jerk to me.
- Tell me when you just can't figure me out. Just ask me.
None of this is to say that he doesn't do anything right. I mean of course he does.
Awesome Things About My Guy Include
but are not limited to:
- He is so insanely thoughtful. Twice, little things he's done because of something I mentioned in passing almost made me bawl my eyes out.
- He lets me hang onto him for dear life during scary movies.
- He really, sincerely wants me to play video games with him and is very patient (and amused) when I get stuck in a closet somewhere and can't figure out how to get out.
- He actually encourages my crazy, sporadic hobbies and projects even when they are totally unrealistic or unlikely to be finished.
- He is terrible at keeping surprises a secret and watching him get mad when I guess my present is ADORABLE.
- He's a ginger.
- He thinks I'm beautiful even when I need a shower. Like badly.
- He has pretty awesome taste in TV shows. Except Jackass. I hate that show.
- The soap he uses smells so good.
- He always tells me that I can do it. And when he says it, I know I can.
- He deals with me wanting to decorate and plant flowers EVERYWHERE.
- He buys the flowers.
- He's so much better looking than he gives himself credit for.