Past Up to Here

Ok. I've had it. I've HAD it.
O.M.G.S. needs to get out of my room. Tell me this is not INSANITY:
He is here, every night, until AT LEAST 11 PM.
He is here every day, from about four.
He is in this room when neither I nor SHE are in here.
He was talking to her (AT WORK) on a WEBCAM at EIGHT FREAKING AM this morning WHILE WE WERE DRESSING, and she apparently didn't think this worth mentioning to me while I was brushing my teeth or changing my clothes or asking if you could see my panda covered underwear through my dress!
Are you really freaking serious?! What do you people think this is? A show girl act?! It's our ROOM! Our only place of privacy! And you are not only annoying the bad word out of me by having his presence saturate every single moment of what should be my alone time, you are getting mad at ME for being mad about it! How much more blunt do I have to be than "Don't screw around while I'm IN THE ROOM and he can't be in here all the time"?? Do I have to have the idiotic boy (BOY) kicked out of the building?! I mean holy freaking crap!
Don't say it. Don't you dare say "Just have a sit down and calmly discuss the issue with them; use lots of 'I messages.'" I tried that. At first I hinted, very subtly. Then I hinted, not so subtly. Then I talked to them separately, and of course, got assurance from both of them that there would no longer be a problem. Then, when there was still a problem, I talked to the together, very calmly. I again, was reassured that there would no longer be a problem. We'll go to his house on Tuesdays and Thursdays, they say (well at least that's SOMETHING, but I can't deal with this crap even three days of the week). There was, of course, still a problem. Then I talked to them separately again, with the same results. Then I started acting like a bitch. I mean telling random, practically strangers (to them at least) about their pitiful excuse of a sex life and how obnoxious they were RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM should have, surely, made them understand that they needed to freaking chill. But did it? OF COURSE NOT!
I'm exasperated. He's mad because I'm not sharing my sodas. Well, first of all, I would have if you had helped me carry them. But no, we walked back from the store and not only had I just paid full price (didn't half it with sissy of course, that would have been a financial burden to little miss I-have-to-pay-no-bills), but I carried them the whole back and it was raining. Is a carton of canned sodas really that heavy? no, it's manageable, but I'm tiny and I have no upper body strength and it would have been nice for someone (who was supposed to a freaking marine, yeah right, pitiful little whiny cockroach) to offer when I was so obviously struggling with the stupid thing. But whatever, don't even LOOK at my carton of soda.
I'm past trying to be mature about it. They're both driving me crazy and she doesn't even care that not only is he a total jackass, she's closely following in his footsteps. Well, if she doesn't care, I sure as heck don't have to. The stupid sister-type relationship can dissolve into the abyss for all I care. Then I don't have to ever invite his stinking tail over for Christmas and that is just FINE with me! I'm to the point that if I could move out, I would. The ONLY reason I haven't just marched my little hiney up to Housing is because I paid just as much for this room as she did (as opposed to the fact that HE paid nothing, therefore this is not his room, therefore he needs to get the bad word out of it) and my stuff and myself has just as much right to be here as she does. So SHE can leave if it comes to that.
I don't think it's too much to ask to have some privacy in your own room that you paid for. I mean I give them PLENTY of time to themselves. Do I ever get ANY alone time with my guy here? No. Do I ever get any alone time period? No. Can I ever actually sleep without hearing his stupid ringtone go off every five minutes all night every night and at 6-8 AM every single morning? No. Does she even bother to close the door quietly when she leaves to go see the creeping mother cusser? No. No she does not. She slams the freaking door every single morning. I don't want maturity anymore. I want vengeance. Petty vengeance. If anyone has any ideas how to drive them crazy without being able to be blamed for it, please share. >:)

I don't care. I know I'm being mean and a bit irrational but I don't care. They are horses' rears.